Photo: Getty Images

With two minutes to call time, the venue is at a quarter capacity. Everything is white: the light from the ornate skylight, the bleached-wood Chiavari chairs with linen cushions, the plush temporary carpet. The small crowd keeps getting aggressively shushed even though the presentation won’t start for another 15 minutes. Does Britney demand that kind of reverence? Or is it because we’re in a library? Probably the latter.

The air is scented with one of the many Eaus de Brit and a photographer gets in a final and completely unnecessary “NO GUM CHEWING” command before the voiceover for The Intimate Britney Spears starts.

“Paint me satin and embroider me with mother of pearl. Paint me feminine with a bow and let me feel like a little girl. This is the art of being a woman and remembering the feelings of a girl.”

This…this is the worst. And the best. For the next several minutes, models parade out on stage to create a boudoir tableau. There’s a girl in furry pink mules straight out of that Sex and the City episode where Samantha tries to get Carrie to sluttify her book cover, and another in a thong who shows us her butt cheeks and then proceeds to mist herself with perfume for the duration of the presentation. There’s an Ivanka Trump lookalike, a model in some sort of pajama pantsuit, and two girls in bright red getups who perform a synchronized seduction dance.

And then there’s Britney.

She is on stage for exactly 28 seconds, all neon jumpsuit and vacant eyes. “If confidence is a feeling, what does it feel like?” she asked via voiceover just moments before. It certainly doesn’t feel like this.

She poses for a second (literally, a second) and then hightails it outta there. It’s weird and it’s sad, but The Intimate Britney Spears will probably net her another billion dollars. Because even if the fashion set couldn’t be bothered with Brit’s NYFW appearance, America can’t say no to underthings inspired by “silks, silhouettes, and promises.”

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Kendall Jenner Struts In Star Spangled Lingerie For Tommy Hilfiger Runway Show

Posted on Mon Sep 8th, 2014 1:40pm PDT       By X17 Staff

Getty Images for Tommy Hilfiger

Look at that bod!

Kendall Jenner has made a name for herself as the model of the moment, and she proved she deserves the recognition by donning star spangled lingerie to walk the Tommy Hilfiger runway during New York Fashion Week. The 18-year-old was even bestowed the honor of closing the show!

The reality star turned cat walker seems to have a long career ahead of her, which is undoubtedly music to momager Kris Jenner’s ears! Her sister Kylie, on the other hand, might not be as beneficial to the Kardashian matriarch’s bank account!

 

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