‘The Bachelorette’ finale: Andi Dorfman engaged to Josh Murray after Nick …

Chris Harrison kicks off
“The Bachelorette” finale in the wonderful dramatic fashion we all know and love — the man Andi didn’t chose is apparently not handling it very well. I think to myself at this point that it must be Nick that Harrison is talking about, because that sounds much more like what his reaction would be to being dumped than Josh’s.

Nick and Andi’s family

Nick brings a beautiful bouquet of flowers for Andi’s mom and a bottle of whiskey for her dad, which is a good first step. Sure, it’s sucking up, but it’s also good manners. Also, Nick is super nervous, which surprises me. Andi’s mom Patti is spot-on when she says Nick seems reserved. He definitely doesn’t
seem like he’s in love with Andi, based on his demeanor and affection.

When Nick takes some alone time with Patti, he expresses himself and his feelings very, very well and totally wins her over. Andi then tells her sister about their crazy “connection” and I have to say — I’ve been Team Nick for a while. I think if Andi chooses Josh, she’s taking the easy path with a guy who is just falling back into her previous patterns. I hope she picks Nick because I think he’ll challenge her and that’s important.

Nick talks to Andi’s dad Hy and flat-out asks for Hy’s permission to propose to Andi. Hy says if Nick and Andi “choose each other,” he thinks they’d be a great fit together. Good answer, dad. It’s terrific that he knows it’s really Andi’s decision and he offered his support without acting like he’s trading his daughter for chattel.

‘Bachelor in Paradise’ promo


Is it just me, or is the way to get me interested in”Bachelor in Paradise”
not by showing me Cody flexing on the beach? I mean, I’m already super excited about “BiP,” but the Cody stuff just does not do it for me. Anybody else?

Josh and Andi’s family


Hy is suspicious of Josh because he’s an athlete. On the one hand, don’t pre-judge, but on the other hand — Andi has a pattern and it hasn’t worked out so far, right?

Josh has flowers and cigars. I think Nick wins that round — or at least Nick got he better production assistant. But Josh is just as nervous as Nick was, which is also surprising. And as an aside, Andi’s flowy crop top and blue skirt is gorgeous, one of my favorite outfits she has had this entire season.

Josh seems to win over Andi’s family as well, though Hy expresses his skepticism that Josh is feeling this as more of a “camp romance,” which is hilarious and a very accurate assertion about what happens on this show. But again, Hy tells Josh he has his blessing, but Andi’s blessing/approval is the one he needs. Hy also gets a really funny dig in when he tells Josh that he is “one of the two best people I’ve met down here.” Hy for president. Or maybe Hy should just be an adviser on all seasons of this show.

Actually, Hy and Chris Soules’ mom from Iowa should just join the final three each season and dispense advice. Book it, ABC.

Josh’s date

Josh and Andi call each other “babe” and “baby,” which really rubs me the wrong way. I understand that it’s just people’s preferred term of endearment, but I have always hated that, even before the “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” episode of “The Office.” Also, Andi says she really doesn’t know what she’s going to do yet, but how can you be this far and not have one of the people picked out yet? Shenanigans.

They canoodle on a yacht for their date and exchange lots of schmoopiness. It’s not overly noteworthy as far as dates go, no big serious conversations or anything. I feel like that’s pretty par for the course with them, actually. Andi confesses in an interview that she’s worried this relationship is “too good to be true” and might not “last forever.” Well, yeah. It’s that whole “camp romance” problem that your dad mentioned.

That night at dinner, Josh insists that nothing is going to change the way he feels about her and blah blah blah. Andi expresses her concern that what is left in their relationship once the fireworks and hot ‘n heavy stuff ends. Well, that’s a problem with every relationship, but if you don’t already know what will be left over when that ends, perhaps he’s not the guy for you. I knew right away what would be left over with my husband. Hmm.

Josh insists that it will be fine and that that doesn’t concern him, but him not being concerned doesn’t really have anything to do with Andi being concerned, you know? She sounds very unsure about this relationship and its depth, you know?

But then Josh plays a literal trump card — Andi’s own baseball card, which is admittedly a killer gift. He knocked that out of the park, gang. Especially the part where one of the statistics is “Games played: Doesn’t play games,” “Doubles: As an attorney,” “Errors: Can’t dance, swears too much,” “Slugging percentage: Hope to never find out” and “Saves: Josh from being a lonely man.” That’s spectacular, y’all. So clever and so sweet. Baller move. I’m super impressed (with either Josh or the production assistant who came up with that).


Nick’s Date

They go off-roading and have a picnic on the sand of a secluded lagoon, it’s crazy gorgeous. They rehash how meeting her family went and then Nick interviews that he needs Andi to find a way to express to him that he’s the one for her. He says if he doesn’t feel that he’s “the one,” then they aren’t getting engaged. Well, yeah — if you aren’t the one, she won’t say yes, dude. But I think he meant that if he doesn’t feel like he’s the one, then he won’t propose. I understand his sentiment (I think), but again, I don’t think Andi would let him get that far if she has chosen Josh. She’s not like that.

That night, Nick interviews that he doesn’t want to put Andi in a tough spot, but he wants to be completely doubt-free in regards to her feelings about him. Hmm. To Andi, he says, “I don’t want to be wondering [about us],” to which Andi smiles and tells him to be confident and honestly, when Nick says she’s giving him all the signs, he’s not wrong. She’s certainly giving him some signs, but also — she has to do that. She can’t sit there and show any doubt or else the suspense of the show is ruined. And it sucks for Nick because he honestly seems to really like Andi.

He talks about how he can’t wait to do mundane things with her (like go grocery shopping and cook dinner), though it’s interesting that he paints this picture of them in Chicago. Have they talked about that, where they would live? Why does she have to move to Chicago? It’s not the same situation as a farmer who can’t move his farm. Are there not software sales jobs in Atlanta? That really bugs me about this show — even on the ones where the woman is the star choosing the men, they often talk about her moving to the guy’s location. I feel like JP and Ashley are the rare exception in that regard.

Anyway, I feel like Nick is in for a world of heartache, you guys.

The Big Day


Andi wanders out of her cabana in a pink nighty and a robe, just strolling on the beach in her lingerie. It’s … weird. You know what would be amazing? If she wandered up and had her “I want to talk to Chris Harrison” segment in her jammies. Harrison in a turtleneck sweater, Andi in a negligee. Amazing.

Anyway, the Andi voiceover mentions her physical relationship with both guys, so obviously things are hot ‘n heavy all around. But she seems to be gushing a little more about Josh.

As Josh picks out his Neil Lane diamond ring, Andi comes to see Nick. Ruh roh.

After a commercial, we have to spend time getting past cast members’ opinions about what just happened. Get back to the action! But Clare Crawley rather awesomely says she wishes “someone” had knocked on her door. Juan Pablo is the one who doesn’t knock. Hee.

But back to Nick and Andi! Andi basically says that she’s just not feeling it with Nick, is what it boils down to. She says a life with Nick would be over-analyzing every single moment. Hmm. I disagree with that sentiment, but I am obviously not a part of this relationship, so.

Nick is pretty gobsmacked. He felt really confident and says that Andi maybe took it too far, like when he said, “I love you” and she responded, “I wish I could say things back.” Indeed. That’s a tricky line with this show. She certainly hasn’t given Nick any reason to think he’s NOT the one.

He wants her to be absolutely sure, which she says she is, so that’s all she wrote for Nick. Andi leaves and Nick is sad. “Gee, I’m glad it’s raining/ No one sees your teardrops when it pours,” starts running through my head. Yes, that is from “Ernest Goes to Camp,” why do you ask? It’s a good song.

In the car on the way out of the resort, Nick says he feels like such a fool, that he thinks Andi made a mistake and that he was really looking forward to starting a family with Andi. Ouch.

The Proposal

Josh gave up baseball to find that greater love, he says. Or it’s because he never made it out of single A and you can’t play minor league ball for peanuts your entire life. That might have had something to do with it.

Anyway, he says he and Andi can do anything together and he is the only man who can make her smile the way she smiles. The music swells! He proposes! She says yes!

Tune into “After the Final Rose” to find out if they’re still together.

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14 Tips for Role-Playing With Your Husband Without Feeling Awkward

If you’re like most women, you’re probably at least a bit curious about role-play in the bedroom — acting out sexy scenarios with your spouse. Stacey Burton, CEO of CouplesChemistry.com, says that according to her research, 71 percent of wives describe their relationships as “traditional,” but 82 percent say they’re interested in getting “kinky” with their husbands. And almost all women say they’d like a sexual relationship that’s “experimental and surprising.”

It’s just that we’re not talking about it. No matter how open our communication, a lot of us have fantasies we haven’t shared with our spouses … yet. But maybe it’s time we did? We tapped three experts to explain how role-play works, how to get started, and how to make it fun and fulfilling.

Role-play gives you the opportunity to “bring excitement into the routine of a long-term relationship,” says sex and sensuality coach Rebekah Beneteau. It helps you reach a “deeper level of intimacy because both partners are willing to share more of their inner life.”

Stacey Burton says that role-play gives a couple a safe outlet to explore their relationship and a new dimension of themselves. “It’s a way to be authentically you, but it’s a side of you that people don’t usually get to see.”

Clinical sexologist and author Dr. Kat Van Kirk says it’s just plain hot. And it’s important especially for married couples and people in a long-term, monogamous relationship. “Adding role-playing to your sexual repertoire can not only heighten the arousal in your relationship, but it can also build trust and communication between you. The more you share about your fantasies and allow yourself to become vulnerable by playing out a scene, the more emotional depth and bonding you may experience.”

On board? Of course you are! Here are our experts’ best tips for sexy-time role-play.

1. Ask yourself what turns you on — really. Beneteau recommends starting by spending some private time fantasizing. “Give yourself permission to look at what turns you on,” she says. It could be anything. “Don’t get hung up on the ‘how’ at this point,” she says. “Focus on the ‘what.’”

2. Do some research. Consider this the funnest homework assignment ever. Look at pictures, flip through books, watch porn or movies, Google ideas you’ve always been curious about.

3. Share your ideas. Now it’s time to tell your significant other what you’ve got on your mind — and to hear what he thinks would be sexy and fun. Be open and don’t judge each other.

4. Negotiate and find common ground. Burton enables this through her company, CouplesChemistry.com. Each member of a couple independently fills out a questionnaire about what turns them on, and then they create a custom relationship-building Love Kit incorporating ideas from their shared interests. But this can be done through conversation, too.

Kirk says, “The main thing is for you and your partner to agree upon a scene that you find arousing. If you can’t agree, then take turns.”

5. Don’t say “no” to things outright. Instead, be creative and how you can meet halfway. For example, Beneteau suggests, if getting spanked sounds scary or painful, consider telling your partner a story about getting spanked.

6. Consider the conversation foreplay. “The more conversation you have, the more planning you do, the more you’ll know what to expect,” Beneteau says. That will help you enjoy the experience overall.

7. Approach it as an experiment. If you invest too much in making it the BEST sex ever, you can set yourself up for disappointment. Instead, consider it playing a game and then use what worked to plan the next time.

8. Start with little things. You don’t have to start with a full-blown fantasy sequence with costumes and everything. Start with a few simple things. Here are just a few examples from Burton: Speak with a sexy accent or voice, try on a headband with ears or a tiara or a wig, give yourself a new name, try a bold red lipstick or dramatic cat eye makeup, try new lingerie and long gloves (men can get try costumes too, like a vest without shirt, or a hat). Read aloud a passage from a book or poem, get into dirty talk, and use a vocabulary you don’t usually use.

9. Pick a scenario you both like. If you want to go with a whole scenario, Kirk suggests choosing one “that is familiar so that you will both feel comfortable.” Some of her suggestions include professor/student, handyman/stay-at-home mom, masseuse/client, escort/client, mistress/slave, movie/book scenes a la Fifty Shades of Grey.

10. Be careful with power exchanges. Speaking of Fifty Shades … “In true role play, the person in the submissive role has the real power,” says Beneteau. “Before undertaking a power exchange role-play, decide who is going to be what role, and what activities are allowed, and which are not.”

11. Give it 15 minutes. Kirk recommends sticking to an idea for at least this long. “If by the end it just doesn’t feel right for either of you, perhaps try doing something else, but if it does work, the action will probably go on a lot longer to the desired conclusion — if you know what I mean.”

12. Keep your sense of humor. “A little chuckle here and there is normal,” says Kirk. “After all, you are both seeing one another like you never have.” Burton agrees. You want to lead with passion, but “work laughter and humor into it.”

More from The Stir: 5 Halloween Costumes That Do Double Duty in the Bedroom

13. It’s an experiment, not a performance. Likewise, don’t worry about getting it just right. “Just try to connect with one another,” Kirk advises. “Trust that the dialogue will come to you if you can get over the first couple of opening lines. It’s okay to be nervous. A little bit of nerves adds to the overall excitement and spontaneity.”

14. Debrief afterwards. All three of our experts agree that this is an important part of role-play. Talk about what worked and what didn’t. “If it makes both of you feel more secure, decide not to share this tryst with others,” Kirk says. “Keeping this private may not only give you permission to have less inhibitions about your role-playing, but it may also create a little titillation by making it all the more taboo.”

Have you ever tried role-play in your relationship?

 

Images © iStock/Martin Carlsson; © iStock/knape

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