Tuesday, July 7, 2026

News Feed Comments
You are here: Home / Archives for admin

For a good marriage, travel the same way to work: Shared commute creates …

July 24, 2012 by  
Filed under Choosing Lingerie

Leave a Comment

By
Robin Yapp


PUBLISHED:

19:33 EST, 22 July 2012


|

UPDATED:

13:46 EST, 23 July 2012

Shared dreams and ambitions can help make a successful relationship.

But it seems the rather less romantic link of a shared commute can also help.

Married couples are happier if they travel to work in the same direction, says a study. Experts believe it makes couples feel they share wider goals in life.

Researchers say couples who share the journey to work - or even travel separately in the same direction - tend to be happier (picture posed by models)

Researchers say couples who share the journey to work – or even travel separately in the same direction – tend to be happier (picture posed by models)

They say the findings suggest newlyweds should consider choosing a home that requires them both to commute in one direction, rather than one located at the midway point between their two work places.

‘Couples’ marital satisfaction can depend on whether they commute to work in the same or different directions,’ said lead researcher Irene Huang, from the Chinese University of Hong Kong.

‘Physically moving in a particular goal-relevant direction (e.g. commuting to work) might become associated with more general goal-related concepts.’

The researchers say physical actions are metaphorically linked to wider beliefs and this is exemplified by the use of phrases such as ‘going our separate ways’ to describe couples who separate due to differences in their goals.

They quote the French writer Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, author of The Little Prince, who said: ‘Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but looking in the same direction together.’

The study quotes The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The study quotes The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The study, published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, involved two surveys of married working adults, with participants asked how happy they were with their marriage and how satisfied they were with their spouse on a scale of one to nine.

The first survey involved 280 adults in the US, who were aged 33 on average and had been married for an average of eight years.

Huang and her colleagues found a clear correlation between commuting in the same direction and higher marital satisfaction. They also found that this link existed independent of other factors such as number of years married, number of children, income level and differences in actual time spent commuting.

Furthermore, the link did not depend on whether or not couples sometimes left home for work together, meaning it was not due to having the chance to talk together while commuting.

The second survey involved 139 married adults in Hong Kong, who were 42 years old on average and had been married for an average of 13 years.

It showed a similar correlation to the US results, which also held independent of other relevant factors.

A further study involving 80 strangers arranged into pairs showed that they also rated each other more positively if they walked in the same direction to carry out a task. The experts say this proves the influence of moving on the same direction on ‘interpersonal attraction’ and means the results on marriage could not be simply down to couples who travel the same way to work being more likely to meet for drinks or dinner afterwards.

Huang said choosing a home that is midway between two work places might be a mistake because ‘mere similarity in the direction of commuting to work increases marital satisfaction’.

Here’s what other readers have said. Why not add your thoughts,
or debate this issue live on our message boards.

The comments below have not been moderated.



  • Newest


  • Oldest


  • Best rated


  • Worst rated

What decade are we in then? I’ve been with my partner for 6 years and NEVER ONCE have our shifts coincided. We hardly see each other! When we are off work together we’re normally too depressed with bills to do anything other than drink indoors….! MODERN LIFE IS RUBBISH!!

Report abuse

works for me and my other half. we work at the same place (but not the same area so we dont see each other once we get to work) so on the way to and from work we get all our gripes about work and colleagues out of the way, so we are ready for the day and when we get home we can relax without having to waste time at home with listening to each others gripes.

Report abuse

What a stupid article. I work in London, the wife in Northampton – and she drops our daughter off at nursery too….how the hell are we supposed to travel together?
Better to have shared goals that we both work to achieve than to stalk each other!

Report abuse

What if you work in different directions?

Report abuse

Thank god my husband doesn’t follow me to work, we’d be even more skint than we already are, I’m a housewife! We’d probably be entitled to benefits galore though, still not preferably he makes the house so untidy!

Report abuse

For goodness sake! Someone got paid to “discover” this fantastic revelation!

Report abuse

When I had to drop my partner off at work on the way to my work and pick him up after work it used to drive me crazy. We would have petty arguments as he was never ready on time on a night so I’d be sat there fuming for 10/15 mins and then bite his head off! When he used to make his own way there we were much happier. This article is rubbish!

Report abuse

I drop my wife off at the shops on my way to work. She works hard spending all my wages !!

Report abuse

My husband is a long distance lorry driver, he goes to work Mondays and comes home Fridays, Our sons would have to have therapy if i followed him. PASS

Report abuse

My other half works nights so no thanks think I’ll pass!

Report abuse

The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline.

Share and Enjoy

Tags:

‘Time doesn’t heal’: But 10 years on, the parents of Holly Wells are ready to …

July 24, 2012 by  
Filed under Choosing Lingerie

Leave a Comment

By
Daily Mail Reporter


PUBLISHED:

18:20 EST, 22 July 2012


|

UPDATED:

05:56 EST, 23 July 2012

The parents of murdered Soham schoolgirl Holly Wells will mark the tenth anniversary of their daughter’s death by returning to the family home where they raised her.

Kevin and Nicola Wells have suffered unimaginable grief over the past decade, as they struggled to cope with the loss of 10-year-old Holly and battled to keep their marriage intact and the family business from going bust.

As the anniversary approaches next month, Mr Wells insists ‘time doesn’t heal’ the pain of losing his daughter but he reveals the couple have vowed to ‘make it out the other side’ – starting by returning to the
cottage where Holly and her brother Oliver, 16 grew up.

Ten years on: Nicole, Oliver and Kevin Wells reflect on the 10th anniversary of Holly's murder

Ten years on: Nicole, Oliver and Kevin Wells reflect on the 10th anniversary of Holly’s murder

After an decade of suffering, The Wells family, pictured tending to Holly's grave, insist it's time to 'make it out the other side'.

The Wells family, pictured tending to Holly’s grave, insist it’s time to ‘make it out the other side’.

Happy family: Kevin, Nicola, Holly and Oliver in a treasured snapshot from the Wells' family album

Happy family: Kevin, Nicola, Holly and Oliver in a treasured snapshot from the Wells family album

The couple
abandoned the house in 2006 when the memories it brought them became too painful

But they never sold it, choosing instead to rent it out, always believing one day they’d find the strength to return.

Speaking in an ITV documentary to mark the 10th anniversary of the girls’ deaths, Kevin Wells, 48, explains how the murder of his daughter and her friend Jessica
Chapman by school caretaker Ian Huntley took his family to breaking
point and nearly destroyed his marriage to wife Nicola, 45.

He revealed the couple, who had
been together for 20 years when Holly was murdered, struggled to
support each other as they ‘processed their grief at different speeds’.

But, he said, ‘slowly but surely’ they came back together as a couple.

Punishment: Kevin says he and Nicola have learned to stop blaming themselves for Holly's death

Punishment: Kevin says he and Nicola have learned to stop blaming themselves for Holly’s death

Kevin said: 'I accept there was nothing more or different as a parent that I could have done to change the outcome.'

Kevin said: ‘I accept there was nothing more or different as a parent that I could have done to change the outcome.’

Suffering: Holly's brother Oliver, centre, also had his childhood 'stolen' by murderer Ian Huntley

Suffering: Holly’s brother Oliver, centre, also had his childhood ‘stolen’ by murderer Ian Huntley

‘They say 95 per cent of the parents
of murdered children split up…we were determined to be among the 5 per
cent who survive,’ he said.

The Wells reveal their grief hasn't diminished in the past decade, but they have learned to live with their loss

The Wells reveal their grief hasn’t diminished in the past decade, but they have learned to live with their loss

Mr Wells said that while his grief at
losing his daughter 10 years ago has not diminished, he has learned to
live with what happened.

But
he has revealed that he made a decision not to let the tragedy destroy
his family’s future as he stood by the shallow grave where his
daughter’s body was discarded two weeks after her murder in 2002.

He said: ‘Time doesn’t heal, someone got that wrong.

‘It anaesthetises. Grief does not diminish, but you can manage the intensity and learn to live with it.

‘Murder has the capacity to destroy
more lives than the one taken. I recognised that from the start, so I
tried to take control, to make plans and to exert positive thought.

‘I clung to my family, my community,
my work, sometimes to God and sometimes to a late-night tumbler of
whisky. I chose to believe in the future, a future that I could craft
from the life we once had. Really, all I wanted was for us to be the
ones who’d make it out the other side.’

They also struggled financially as Mr
Wells sold his window-cleaning business to focus on the trial, forcing
the couple to remortgage their house and even rely on a £6,000 charity
hand-out to pay bills.

Staying together: Kevin was determined his marriage to Nicola would survive the trauma of Holly's murder

Fight: Kevin was determined his marriage to Nicola would survive the trauma of Holly’s murder

'Our star': Holly wells at a party, aged 7. She and her best friend Jessica Chapman were murdered by Ian Huntley in the summer of 2002

‘Our star’: Holly wells at a party, aged 7. She and her best friend Jessica Chapman were murdered by Ian Huntley in the summer of 2002

Staying strong: Nicola Wells with her 'fantastic daughter' Holly

Staying strong: Nicola Wells with her ‘fantastic daughter’ Holly

Ian HuntleyMaxine Carr

Guilty: Convicted killer Ian Huntley, left, and his then girlfriend Maxine Carr, right, who now has a secret identity

But it was when he re-started his
business in 2005, later joined by his 16-year-old son Oliver, that the
family began to get back on track.

He said: ‘Getting back to work was
not just about money in the bank, it was also about what it represented -
an everyday life, a familiar pattern, some kind of control.’

On holiday: A six-year-old Holly in Gran Canaria

On holiday: A six-year-old Holly in Gran Canaria

As part of their recovery, the family also considered adopting or fostering another child, but eventually decided it would be too hard, although they look forward to becoming grandparents.

They are now planning to move back into the house in Soham, Cambridgeshire, and despite struggling for years with feelings of parental guilt, the couple have at last made peace with themselves.

‘The failure is that of police intelligence and of society for permitting Huntley the freedom to prey on children,” Mr Wells said.

‘Today I accept there was nothing more or different as a parent that I could have done to change the outcome.’

Approaching the 10th anniversary, Mr Wells revealed the family cannot help but ponder the years missed.

‘We think about the things she’ll never know, sitting her driving test, attending her school prom, her 21st birthday, it’s a lifetime of loss. One of Holly’s closest friends is already a mother which gives us pause for thought,’ he said.

For Mrs Wells it is the ‘busyness’ of her daughter she most misses.

‘The music and dancing and drawing, the reading, the homework, the friends, the Brownies, the Majorettes. I used to grind my teeth at the hours I spent driving her to activities. Now I long to be able to do it.’

The past ten years has been especially tough on Oliver, who was just six when he sister was killed.

Mrs Wells said: ‘Despite us trying to be positive and resourceful, Oliver was extremely withdrawn in the years that followed Holly’s murder. Huntley took his childhood and his innocence too. All he knew was that his sister had gone and his parents couldn’t necessarily keep him safe.

Holly as a toddler with her brother Oliver

Holly as a toddler with her brother Oliver. The pair were inseparable when they were growing up

Best of friends: Holly with brother Oliver in December 2000

Best of friends: Holly with brother Oliver in December 2000. Kevin said they were a fun family

Posing with trophies - and some stuffed animals - Holly is pictured here aged 9

Posing with trophies – and some stuffed animals – Holly is pictured here aged 9

‘We always told our children that if
they were scared or in trouble to run to family, friends, a policeman or
a teacher. Huntley was the school caretaker; he lived with Maxine Carr,
Holly’s classroom teaching assistant, whom she adored.

‘You want to wrap your surviving
child in cotton wool after that, but you can’t, you can’t burden them.
There has to be normality.’

At the close of Huntley’s trial they
took Oliver to New Zealand and tried to ‘unlock’ him, as they put it,
with some high-adrenaline treats. To this end they took him go-karting,
jet boating, quad biking, pony trekking, bodyboarding and did a
bungee-style jump.

Aged 10 and pictured on her last sports day

Aged 10 and pictured on her last sports day. The little girl would soon be dead at the hands of Ian Huntley

Holly aged 18 months, sitting in a cardboard box

So young and so innocent: Holly aged 18 months, playfully sitting in a cardboard box

Precious memories: Holly, aged five, on her bike at home

Precious memories: Holly, aged five, on her bike at home. Her parents described her as their ‘star’

What succeeded was something far more mundane. At the age of 16 Oliver went to work in Kevin’s contract cleaning business and for two years father and son ‘went up ladders and chit-chatted about life until it felt OK again’.

And they have high hopes Oliver will add to the family before long.

Mrs Wells said: ‘Oliver has recently moved in with his girlfriend, so we hope we may be young grandparents soon enough.’

Soham:
A Parents’ Tale will  be screened on ITV1 on  Friday, August 3 at 9pm.
Goodbye, Dearest Holly – Ten Years On by Kevin Wells will be published
as an ebook available only from Amazon on August 3.

Here’s what other readers have said. Why not add your thoughts,
or debate this issue live on our message boards.

The comments below have been moderated in advance.



  • Newest


  • Oldest


  • Best rated


  • Worst rated

What a lovely family. I’m so sorry for your loss but your strength is truly inspirational. I hope that the future brings you happiness and you will make absolutely wonderful grandparents one day xx

Report abuse

She looked like an angel before she reached the heavens. So so sad, and yet humbling to see the family living life as best they can, and all together too.

Report abuse

It doesnt get easier in time, you just learn how to cope. God bless the family xxxx

Report abuse

Heartbreaking. Unimaginable.

Report abuse

Sorry, Holly not Hollie X

Report abuse

I remember we this so clearly, scared me rigid to think he had been living underneath everyone’s noses. Can’t believe it’s been 10 years. I really feel for both Hollie Jessica’s families. The Wells family seem to be handling it with real dignity..Hollie would be proud X

Report abuse

Thank god they had their son to live for – what would be the point of their lives otherwise…? I would not think I deserved happiness for myself if my child got murdered – it just would not feel right – thank god they had another child as a reason to live.

Report abuse

I was an 18 year old, on holiday with friends in Cornwall, when I nipped to buy a newspaper and saw the faces of those two angels displayed on the front cover with the headline, ‘Missing.’ From that day to this, I have felt nothing but sadness whenever I thought about what those two poor children and their families went through. However, upon reading this beautifully written article, I can’t help but raise a small smile. What this family have come through is incredible and they have done it with so much courage and dignity too. They have cherished the precious memories of their beautiful daughter and sister, and used those feelings to come out of the other side. I am certain that Holly would be so proud of you all for refusing to let evil win and never giving up on the family that loved each of her precious days that she was alive. God bless you all, and God bless your beautiful daughter, Holly. I am certain she’s been with you, every step of the way.

Report abuse

She was a beautiful little girl. So sad.

Report abuse

I can still remember where I was when the girls went missing, and when that monster was caught. Such a brave family and a very touching story.

Report abuse

The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline.

Share and Enjoy

Tags:

  1. Pages:
  3. 1
  4. ...
  5. 5450
  6. 5451
  7. 5452
  8. 5453
  9. 5454
  10. 5455
  11. 5456
  12. ...
  13. 6940