Farihah Zaman: Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Or, How Even Marital Sex Is a …

SPOILER ALERT:

I could never get into the whole Twilight thing, and not because I’m impervious to the charms of youth-oriented fantasy and sci-fi. Harry Potter? Magical. Hunger Games? I’m ravenous for more. Twilight? A glorified dime store novel with low stakes (pun intended), murky morals, and unfortunate implications when it comes to gender politics. This may not be a particularly original take on the material but an accurate one; Bella and Edward’s relationship is framed as epic romance but is at worst offensive and condescending to women, and at best ickily co-dependent. It is a 12-year-old girl’s uncomplicated idea of romance, and while wish fulfillment literature is not a crime, the author of the books and the screenwriter and directors of the films haven’t done the work of unpacking the more incendiary aspects of the story.

In the latest installment, the hundred-something year-old Edward (Robert Pattinson) marries his teenage girlfriend (Kristen Stewart) and whisks her away to a private island in Brazil, where he finally agrees to boink her in a highly anticipated and thoroughly disappointing sex scene. I mean sure, he breaks the bed with his “passion,” but both players seem oddly sedate, with expressions more perplexed than enraptured and nary a hair out of place. After only one session of love-making and afraid of further hurting the bruised, still-human Bella, Edward withholds, prompting a ridiculous and, for Bella, humiliating montage in which she exudes sexual frustration while playing chess on the beach and awkwardly trying to entice him with lingerie. He finally gives in, but his fears are validated when Bella finds she is pregnant with a fast-growing, blood-sucking fetus, the birth of which could have terrible, unforeseen consequences, if she even survives long enough to deliver, that is.

Stephanie Meyers claims that the Twilight series is not a pretext for some Mormon parable, but Breaking Dawn continues her terrifying march against female sexuality. In the first three books if Stella, a bashful tomboy-ish virgin, has sex with Edward, she risks being killed by his blood-lust; depicted in the films with much panting and the occasional kiss, followed by Edward ruefully flinging the girl away for her own good. In the fourth book, married Bella is finally able to have sex (a curious coincidence), but the poor milquetoast has to deal with the consequences in the form of their hybrid spawn, which slowly eats her alive from within. A severe punishment indeed.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn is about the horrors of marriage and childbirth more than those of being a mewling vegetarian vampire, and throughout the series, Meyers makes a woman’s life seem like a torturous trial at nearly every stage, from the pain of mediocrity and pulsing hormones in the earlier books to the persistent specter of death hanging over perfectly common life choices in the later ones. No wonder a girl needs the protection of an agonized vampire and a rage-filled werewolf (not to mention a singular blandness) in order to make it out alive. As a 20-something woman who recently married and struggles with the idea of having children, I found watching the latest chapter to be honestly frightening and engaging in a womb-aching, worst-fears-come-true sort of way, one that references pregnancy as a classic body-horror mainstay. However, despite stumbling onto such a universal gem of a phobia, the story is kept from being meaningful by emotional politics that are confounding and puerile, divorced from the implications of the narrative, a fact the film was unable to mitigate.

I’d hoped that Bill Condon (Dream Girls and Gods and Monsters) might be able to inject some life into this morally questionable but enjoyably salacious material. Thankfully, he does manage to bring some horror back to the toothless vampire series; Bella’s birth scene commences with an exaggerated breaking of bones reminiscent of the best of the hallucinations in Black Swan and continues with much bloody snipping and contorted-faced screaming. When Edward injects her with his vamp-juice in order to save her life, we see her writhing in agony in her mind only, before realizing she is physically paralyzed in by morphine.

However, Condon inexplicably offsets the welcome infusion of blood with jarring pop touches; if this is the installment in which Bella is forced to grow up and face the adult consequences of marriage and sex, why is this film drowning in indie pop and weepy emo? Why is sucked-dry pregnant Bella surrounded by vibrant movie color, why does she get magical makeup when she turns into a vampire? Aesthetically, the best Twilight offering is still the first, when Catherine Hardwicke kept the more unassuming, less bloated but, yes, ultimately less ambitious film to a chilly Washington-state palette of grays and harsh whites. There are other missteps, like the hilarious CGI werewolf-conference that made me feel like I was on peyote, or the handling of Jacob falling in love with an infant child, still creepy despite Condon’s focus on Renesmee all grown up and trying to distract us with the word “protector.”

As far as I can tell this moral of this film is that getting pregnant is like being inhabited by a bottomless pit of a parasite that will eat you alive, and if you happen to survive the birth of this hungry little fucker, you must die just a little bit in order to be reborn into Mother, prepared for the sacrifices ahead. Maybe the director who brought this conceit so vividly to life should start going by Bill Condom.

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TNA Impact Wrestling Preview: Sting to Deal with Roode, a Title Match and More

Tonight, TNA Wrestling presents another episode of Impact Wrestling.

While the past few months have been very strong for TNA, last week’s Thanksgiving special was a bit of a step down.

Hopefully tonight we’ll see TNA step up their game.

The company has confirmed two matches and a possible third, as well as what is sure to be an in-ring segment. Let’s get started!

 

Karen Jarrett Plans to Punish the Knockout Division

Ever since she took control, Karen Jarrett has tried to “clean up” TNA’s women’s division.

She didn’t like the fact that the Knockouts wore skimpy outfits to the ring and thought they should dress more appropriately.

She finally gave up last week and ordered Angelina Love, Winter, Velvet Sky, Tara and Brooke Tessmacher to wrestle in their lingerie as punishment. Karen also threw her lackey Madison Rayne into the match as well.

After the match, she yelled at them, saying that their lingerie wasn’t skimpy enough. She has promised that she will severely punish the women she rules over.

One thing she mentioned right off the bat was choosing their outfits herself.

I think it’s only a matter of time before the faces and the heels band together to get rid of Karen. These punishments seem to be the setup for that.

What else does Karen Jarrett have in store for the division, and will the Knockouts rebel?

 

Robbie E vs. Rob Van Dam: TNA Television Championship

Robbie E finally won the Television Championship at Turning Point. He ended Eric Young’s ridiculous reign and thought he was now done with the odd superstar.

Unfortunately for The Shore, Young is still there to get in their way.

Last week, we saw the return of referee Rudy Charles and the TNA Turkey Suit Challenge. EY took on Robbie and defeated him in what was purely a comedy match.

Instead of Robbie E putting on the suit, Young made Rob Terry put it on.

Tonight, the Television Championship looks to leave the comedy behind, as the champion must defend against the Whole F’N Show.

The match has a lot of factors we must consider.

For one, we have Rob Terry in Robbie E’s corner. He will most certainly get involved. Also working against Rob Van Dam is his current rival Christopher Daniels.

 

The cards aren’t completely stacked against Van Dam, as Robbie will have his own problems to deal with, and we could see Eric Young make an appearance.

Who will come out of this match as TNA Television Champion?

 

Mexican America vs. Ink Inc. vs. Devon and D’Angelo Dinero: No. 1 Contender’s Match

Mexican America won the TNA Tag Team Championship in August and held onto them for an excruciating three months.

They were just horrible champions.

Two weeks ago, we saw the newly formed team of Crimson and Matt Morgan take the titles away from the Mexican superstars.

Last week, they got their rematch, but Crimson and Morgan squashed Mexican America to retain the belts.

The new champions look strong and unbeatable at the moment.

Tonight we’ll see which one of these three teams will get a shot at Final Resolution and attempt to dethrone the champions.

Will Mexican America get another chance? Would Ink Inc. even stand a chance against the monster champions? Can Devon’s kids get out of the way long enough for him and Dinero to coexist?

We’ll just have to wait and see!

 

The Inmates Will Not Run the Asylum; Sting Returns to Restore Order

When the company was returned to Dixie Carter, she gave control of Impact Wrestling to Sting. He is now the general manager, or as TNA calls him the general menace, of the show.

Last week, the Stinger wasn’t present at the Impact Zone, and his first order of business tonight is dealing with TNA World Championship-holder Bobby Roode.

Two weeks ago, he put his hands on TNA President Dixie Carter, and it resulted in her being on the bottom of a Roode beatdown on A.J. Styles.

Last week, Roode’s new attitude resulted in him skipping part of an eight-man tag match to be on commentary. When he finally went down to the ring, he was eventually disqualified.

Styles and Jeff Hardy were the survivors for the face team, and Roode attacked them post-match with the title belt.

That is no way for a champion to act, and the Stinger will deal with him personally.

What does Sting have to say to Bobby Roode? Is there any other business on his agenda?

Those questions and more should be answered tonight.

Tonight’s episode of Impact Wrestling looks like it’ll be a good show. As long as it’s better than their Thanksgiving special, we’ll be in for a good night.

Tune in tonight to see what happens!

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