Opinions differ on student/ teacher Facebook relations

For Missouri teachers, it is time to see who their friends are.
A new Missouri law is putting limits on who teachers can friend on social networking sites. The law bans teachers from having social networking relationships with students that are not accessible to the students’ parents or guardians.
Supporters of the Missouri law argue social networking could be used by adults to facilitate sexual harassment or sexual abuse.
Opponents of the law argue some students may feel more comfortable confiding in a trusted adult through social networking.
In Newton, neither students nor teachers can access Facebook on school computers because of filtering software. That software is required by law, said Jill Lachenmayr, Newton assistant superintendent for human resources.
The district does not have a specific policy concerning teacher and student use of Facebook off campus.
However, Lachenmayr said the district has a blanket policy on student-staff relations.
The policy states, “Staff members shall maintain professional relationships with students, which are conducive to an effective educational environment.”
The policy goes on to say teachers may not submit students to sexual or racial harassment or have any interaction that is sexual in nature regardless of student’s age, status or consent.
The district’s policy on racial and sexual harassment goes on for several pages.
Lachenmayr said this covers both on-campus and off-campus interactions between students and teachers.
“I trust that our teachers are professional and only want what is best for students,” Lachenmayr said. “We trust that parents are going to monitor kids’ activities. As a school district, we are committed to providing a quality education. If a problem ever arises, we have a policy in place to take care of that.”
She said positive relationships between students and teachers are an important part of the learning process.
“Positive relationships are formed and maintained in the classroom on the athletic field and in the community,” she said, “and social networking can be a part of that positive interaction.”
Nathan Dick, Newton High School teacher and local NEA representative, disagreed. He compared being on Facebook with students to being in a classroom alone with a student.
“I don’t think (Facebook) has really been talked about,” Dick said. “As someone who looks after the safety of teachers, I don’t think I would tell one of my peers to use Facebook.”
Dick said he prefers e-mail and only advises the use of open bulletin boards that are available for public view.
Although Dick personally does not have a Facebook page, he said he does not support the Missouri law.
“I support the freedom of access and movement,” he said.
Some students at Newton High School said they have teachers as friends on Facebook, and the general attitude is it is no big deal.
All three students the Kansan spoke with said their parents and other family members are friends on Facebook and can see what is posted on their walls and their list of friends.
Raymond Gallegos, a sophomore, said he friended his English teacher because he was having trouble in that subject and wanted to ask her questions.
He says he sends messages to teachers when he is sick, so he can find out about homework and not fall behind.
Chloe Denno, a sophomore, friended an old middle school teacher, and Brianna Gouvion, junior, said she friended one of her little brother’s former teachers she had gotten to know.
The students say it is faster and easier to use the messaging system on Facebook, and they don’t use their e-mail often.
The students said sometimes it is easier to text or Facebook about problems than to talk about them face to face.
“I think I am very vocal,” Denno said. “But if it is a sore subject, I have a hard time talking about it. It is easier to write it down or text than to say it in person.”
Gouvion said having teachers and other adults as friends on Facebook makes her think twice about what she posts to the Internet.
Raymond said he agreed.
“You have to remember the golden laptop rule: Once it is on the Internet, it is there forever,” he said.

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Partners: to add or not to add?

If you have an honest and open relationship, there is no reason not to add your partner to your Facebook friends.

WOULD you make flirtatious comments to a member of the opposite sex in front of your current partner?

Would you show next-to-naked pictures of yourself to all of your friends and partner’s friends?

Would you stalk your partner’s ex and rummage through their things?

No?

Then why would you do it on Facebook?

While the social networking site offers opportunities for meaningful social interactions and connections with friends and family, when it comes to romantic relationships it can open up a Pandora’s box of behaviour that can wreak havoc with a relationship; behaviour such as spying, stalking, jealousy, miscommunication and even basic issues of whether or not you should add your significant other.

Relationships Australia Sunshine Coast manager Sue Miller said it was important to be clear and set boundaries with partners about Facebook and decide together what you viewed as appropriate and inappropriate online behaviour.

“People are often more brave behind a computer screen,” Ms Miller said.

“A good rule is don’t say or do anything you wouldn’t be comfortable saying or doing face-to-face.”

Since the introduction of social media never before has it been so easy to instantly learn so much about your partner and their life before your relationship. Former partners, past photos, fights and love declarations can all be accessed with the click of mouse.

Ms Miller said this could be both a blessing and a curse.

She said if you added your partner and gave them access to all of your past and they accepted it, it could be a great bonding experience and fuel for a sound and positive relationship.

“It certainly does make you an open book,” she said.

But it can bring jealousy and insecurity.

She said discretion was important, as well as being mindful of the sort of comments and photos you posted.

“I think you really need to question who will be looking at it,” she said.

To add or not to add, is the modern day relationship question.

Ms Miller said if you had an honest and open relationship and wanted that relationship to continue there was no reason not to add your partner to your Facebook friends.

“If one partner says no, they don’t want that, you have to wonder what they’re hiding,” she said.

With more and more time spent “connecting” online it is hard to imagine that anyone could be lonely, but Ms Miller said according to the recent Relationships Indicators Survey 2011, people were lonelier than ever.

Thirty per cent of respondents aged 25 to 34 told the survey they were frequently lonely.

“Facebook can certainly evoke a lot of emotions,” Ms Miller said.

Looking at profiles of people having fun, going to parties you weren’t invited to, or a former partner posting loved-up comments can have you questioning your own life and relationship and lead to self-doubt and insecurity.

“If you are feeling this way you need to get off Facebook and speak to someone,” she said.

The most important thing for any relationship she said was having quality face-to-face time.

“Facebook has its upsides and downsides and you really need to ask yourself ‘is it purposeful and meaningful and having a positive effect on my relationship?’ If it is not, it’s time to get offline.”

University of the Sunshine Coast communications lecturer Anna Potter said because Facebook was still a relatively new phenomenon there was no clear-cut etiquette for online behaviour.

“A sensible rule to live by is don’t put anything on there that you wouldn’t be happy to say or do in your day-to-day life,” she said.

 

Dealing with Facebook relationship problems

• Communication is key, talk to your partner about the impact Facebook is having on your relationship.
• If something on your profile is making your partner jealous discuss why and consider removing the offending material.
• Facebook can cause insecurities so make sure you spend plenty of time growing the relationship face-to-face.
• If a former partner’s posts are too much to handle, hide them from your feed and try not to obsess over their profile.
• If you keep past partners as friends set your privacy settings so they can only see certain information and can’t comment on your page.
• Be mindful of what you post on Facebook and delete anything that may come back to haunt you.

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