A Lingerie Buying Guide for Men

Thursday Dec 6 2012

The notion of being presented with some vile lingerie by your other half isn’t just a Christmas cliché. It’s a fact.

Research backs it up. According to a survey by lingerie company Fox Rose, men make incredibly bad choices when it comes to picking underwear with one in five women questioned admitting that they had never worn lingerie they had received as a gift.

Of the 1,600 women surveyed, crotchless knickers topped the least of things they would least like to receive and PVC pants, edible underwear and fishnets weren’t too far behind.

Unfortunately it would seem that the spectre of Forty Shades of Grey means that Irish women are even more likely this year to receive the gift of ill-advised undies.

At Debenhams sales of lacy bra and knicker sets in red, black and purple are up 63 per cent, while baby doll nighties up 105 per cent, as a result, the high street retailer says, of the erotic novel, adding that their lingerie departments have seen a huge increase in the number of men shopping there.

It’s enough to fill any woman, who does not relish the thought of having to feign enthusiasm for a tacky looking red-trimmed black, lace up bra, with complete fear.

So in order to prevent a relationship MOT occurring on December 25th after said item or similar has been unwrapped, here is a failsafe guide for men to buying frillies for their loved ones.

Don’t Do It

The margin for error is so ginormous, that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to forgo lingerie buying altogether.

You’re not going to offend her grievously with a bottle of her favourite perfume, in the way that you might if you get her size totally wrong.

You’re not going to be met with a death stare on Christmas Day, if you give some tasteful jewellery as opposed to an underwear set she thinks is horrible.

But please note: Don’t surprise her with a romantic getaway.

A survey commissioned by British Airways found that sixty per cent of women hate an unexpected holiday because they like to be prepared.

But If You Must….

Use your common sense. And this means checking the underwear she already owns for the correct size as getting their partner’s measurements wrong ranks as men’s number one lingerie crimes against women.

Buying anything too small is an unforgivable and will have her bitterly regretting the tin of Roses and copious amounts of Baileys.

Buy A Colour She Likes

Black tends to be failsafe. Red and purple can veer on the garish so be careful with these.

Assess What She Already Owns

If garters, suspender belts, basques or anything similar don’t already form part of her underwear collection, there’s probably a reason why.

And it’s not because she has just never thought of them.

Learn Your Labels

Lingerie labels women love: Agent Provocateur; Damaris, Myla; Elle McPherson Intimates; Stella McCartney, La Perla, Maison Close.

And what won’t earn you brownie points: Anything fronted by a TOWIE cast member; sexy Santa basques from Penneys; PVC air hostess uniforms from Ann Summers.

And Finally

Gift receipt. Gift receipt. Gift receipt. You know it makes sense.

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Alleged Orthodox Sex Abuser May Have Defrauded Charity To Buy Lingerie

Nechemya Weberman (via CBS) In the latest round of testimonies at the trial of Nechemya Weberman—the ultra-Orthodox Jewish counselor accused of sexually abusing a teen girl in Brooklyn for years—Weberman himself took the stand. He was adamant that he “never ever” inappropriately touched the alleged victim, who saw him for counseling multiple times a week for a three year period starting when she was 12. But he did admit to defrauding his own charity.

Weberman admitted on the stand to using money from his nonprofit organization, B’lev V’Nefesh, to pay for his own child’s tuition at the United Talmudical Academy in Williamsburg, the same school which insisted to the victim’s parents that the teen meet with Weberman for counseling or else leave the school. “So you’re getting a salary and paying your children’s tuition?” asked Assistant District Attorney Kevin O’Donnell. “I did if I needed to,” Weberman replied. Weberman, who called himself a “rabbinical counselor” despite no training, said the non-profit was used to raise money for those who can’t afford his services.

But prosecutors brought up the fact that financial records show that the charity’s credit cards were used at BMG Corset Lingerie, The Lingerie Shop and other undergarment stores. “Me, myself, I’m not aware of this,” Weberman claimed. “This is the first time I heard about it.” Weberman also described his first meeting with the teen: “She said, ‘Why should I trust you? Why should I talk to you? You look like a Hasidic f–k. You look like my father,’ ” Weberman testified.

Weberman actually went out of his way to besmirch the teen, saying at one point, “There are people who are better than her, right.” As for why he felt that way, he said the alleged victim was “fresh’’ and “immodest’’ unlike other girls: “That’s why these were girls who were better than her.’’

Besides Weberman, who has 10 children and 18 grandchildren, there was also testimony from Baila Gluck, a runaway who lived in Weberman’s office for two years. She said that two other girls stayed at the home around the same time; one of them told authorities she caught Weberman and Gluck in a compromising position, a charge she denied. “Do you recall an occasion when [another girl] walked into the room and you were sitting on his lap and the defendant had an erection?” O’Donnell asked. “No. That never happened,” Gluck answered.

Weberman was the defense’s last witness; today both sides got the chance to sum up their arguments. The Daily News wrote that the courtroom had started to resemble nightclub with all the people trying to get in and watch. One of those nightclubbers was Andrea Peyser, who gave her typically reasonable two cents about the “slimy bastard” Weberman: “The accuser, who turned 18 yesterday, had the grave misfortune of loving and revering this human piece of filth…I’m ashamed to be of the same faith as this evil, malicious creep.”

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