How to Attend an Orgy
September 15, 2015 by admin
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So you want to have group sex. Fair enough! Orgies can be very fun and are not, as popular opinion might suggest, restricted to middle-aged parents from the 70s. Realizing you want to have an orgy is the first step. These are the next ones.
Where to Find an Orgy
If you’re looking for an orgy you have a few options. You can attend a private “play party” (gross name for a fun thing) in someone’s home, head out to a sex club, attend a sex event planned by a company like Behind Closed Doors, or stick around a house party until 4 AM, giving out massages and telling people you “just want to see where the night takes us.” The latter option has about a 98 percent failure rate, but God bless the 2 percent of times it does work—nothing makes you feel more like a high-level sex wizard than a spontaneous act of group sex.
Read More: Is Teen Sexting Really a Crime?
Each location comes with pros and cons, of course. A private party at a friend’s home is a really nice option, but the setting requires you to have friends who host those kinds of things, and if you’re consulting an internet guide for finding one, my guess is you don’t. Sex clubs, also, really vary in terms of quality of experience; any club without an aggressive “no single males” policy tends to attract skulking lone dudes who cluster around people who are actually fucking. It’s awkward. Unfortunately, the special event sex parties world tends to be “members-only,” which means you need to belong to a crew of people rich enough to spend $200 on tickets to group sex, and participate in a photo-vetting process that typically involves weeding out people who look unattractive according to mainstream beauty standards (a bad or good thing, depending on what you’re looking for, I guess).
The first thing to remember is “don’t wear anything you’re not comfortable getting stained.”
What to Wear
The first thing to remember is not to go overboard. Well, the first thing to remember is “don’t wear anything you’re not comfortable getting stained,” but after that, keeping calm is the first thing. There’s nothing sadder than the person who’s so ready to go “full orgy” they end up in some complicated, sad, Frederick’s Of Hollywood string ensemble. Lingerie is completely fine, but don’t wear anything you wouldn’t wear on a sexy night in your own home. The only really important factors are ease of removal and ability to relocate once discarded. Ask yourself, “Am I going to lose this? Is that okay with me? Do I have something I can wear home if this disappears?” Then settle on a cute, vaguely slutty dress that can be either taken off or pushed up/down as required. Makeup-wise, I have only one tip: Avoid a long-lasting lipstick, because the makeup will come off in a very weird way. A tint is safer. Add some waterproof mascara (duh) and you’re good to go.
Read More: Pulling Out Is as Effective as Using Condoms
As with any gathering, the dress code will differ depending on where the event takes place and who hosts the gig. Most sex clubs, for instance, maintain a lockers area for your clothes and will rent you a towel to wander around in, while pay-to-play sex parties tend to have a suits and cocktail dresses vibe. On the whole, don’t worry too much about your clothes: You’re hoping to end up naked anyway, right? [NB: Pubic hair styling, as always, is up to you, and runs the gamut at these things. Feel no pressure to book a Brazilian just because you are going to a Sexy Sex event. Real life is not porn.]
Who to Bring
You have a few options when choosing a date to an evening of multi-participant sexual activities. The first and most obvious choice is a boyfriend or girlfriend. Sex clubs and play parties generally attract couples looking to ~expand their horizons~, and attending with a partner is a great way to dip your toe into an unfamiliar and intimidating environment. Just make sure to talk about your respective boundaries beforehand. You read it here first: Interrupting a sex party to fight with your boyfriend because he snuck in a blow job while you were in the bathroom is not a good look.
Uncoupled people can boldly go alone (people at these things are very friendly and you’ll have plenty of people to talk to), bring a friend (the best ladies’ night of all time?), a fuck buddy, or someone else who you like and trust! Remember: Just because you came with someone doesn’t mean you have to, like… come with someone. The main thing is to bring someone who has the right mindset (fun, open-minded, low-key horny) about the whole thing and who will not act a gross creep. This is especially important if you are bringing a single man who will not be staying with you for the duration of the party—many play parties and sex clubs have strict rules of conduct for dudes for a good reason. If you bring a rando who makes other people at the party feel uncomfortable, you will be rightfully shunned.
If you want to 69 someone in front of their husband while another couple spanks you, ask politely.
OK, Now What
You did it! Now that you’ve found a party, picked an outfit and a date, avoided smear-able makeup, and didn’t eat too much on the Big Day (as a general rule, farting in the sex hot tub is discouraged) (there are probably some parties that ONLY want farting in the hot tub, but I can’t help you find those), it’s time to actually attend an orgy.
First thing’s first: Find out the rules and obey those rules. As mentioned above, many of the rules at sex events pertain to what men can and cannot do. These rules are in place for a reason (women’s safety), and people of all genders should adhere to them. Other important things to keep in mind: Keep your phone in your pocket or purse—no one wants to end up on Redtube—and if the event says no drugs, no drugs. Also, practice safe sex and get consent. A roomful of naked people doesn’t mean some kind of grope-fest free-for-all. If you want to touch someone, ask them. If you want to watch someone, ask them. If you want to 69 someone in front of their husband while another couple spanks you, use your words and ask politely. If someone’s not into something anymore, respect their wishes immediately and end the interaction. Manners separate us from animals after all, and in this setting there’s not much else that does.
Once you arrive, have a drink and mingle. It’s not like people check their coats and immediately put their mouths all over each other. Most parties include a hangout zone where everyone wears clothes (or at least some clothes), drinks, dances, and flirts like in a regular bar. Hang out here and make charged eye contact with a few strangers. After you’re done your first drink, try to talk to one. Remember: This is just a room where everyone is drinking a little bit and hoping to fondle an attractive stranger later, so it’s exactly like every bar you’ve ever been to in your life.
While a few drinks can be helpful to settle nerves and get the flirt juices flowing (gross, sorry), try not to get wasted. People aren’t here to get wasted—they’re here to fuck. If you’re still feeling bashful, try making out to break the ice. Easing into the evening’s physical activities is smart for a number of reasons. Like drinking, you should pace yourself to avoid becoming exhausted, sweaty, and ready to head home before midnight. It also means you’ll have more energy to try out a few different experiences in your night. It’s also totally OK to attend and not fuck anyone—these events are about figuring out what’s fun for you. Maybe you’ll go and realize it’s not your scene, or no one there is really your type, or you’ll find out you’re more into hanging out. That’s all fine!
This sounds like a lot of rules, but most of them are pretty much common sense, and it’s easy to get the hang of orgies because the more seasoned perverts follow these rules without even thinking. And remember, like team sports at summer camp, the number one rule is to HAVE FUN! (The number one rule is actually still don’t touch a woman without asking, but do that and then have fun.)
Like drinking, you should pace yourself to avoid becoming exhausted, sweaty, and ready to head home before midnight.
The Debrief
Whew. OK. You’re in a cab, headed home, and the orgy part of your orgy experiment has ended. How was it? What did you like or not like? What was the best part? What would you do differently next time? Are you interested in doing this kind of thing again? If so, where? Take some time and process this experience, and if you went with a partner, discuss the evening with them. You can either be real serious about it or super horny and just have sex about it again when you get home. You mostly need to feel good about expanding your sexual horizons and trying a new, fun thing. Whether you want to try group sex again or this was your one orgy experience, you should feel glad you came.
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This CEO is helping Saudi women break a gender barrier
September 15, 2015 by admin
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In 1983, Lubna Olayan became the first woman to work for her father’s business—Olayan Financing Co. (OFC), a sprawling multinational conglomerate based in Saudi Arabia.
It would be 18 years before she got her first female colleague.
By then Olayan was running the company, and she’d had time to consider her singularity. “I was privileged to be a woman CEO of a large family business,” she says. “I recognized there is something wrong with this—I can’t be the only woman.”
With her family’s support, Olayan began a quiet, measured effort to expand the ranks—consulting colleagues and embarking on at least one stealth persuasion campaign to win over an especially resistant OFC partner. After months of careful planning, woman No. 2 was finally brought onboard.
That the arrival took so long reflects the difficulty of making changes in a profoundly conservative country where tradition had long kept women out of the workforce almost entirely. But the fact that OFC now employs some 400 Saudi women—including 56 who bustle alongside Olayan and their male colleagues in the Riyadh head office—shows how far the company and Saudi society have come since then in bringing women greater economic power.
Gradual though it is—those 400 women account for just a bit over 3% of Olayan’s 12,000 Saudi-based employees—OFC’s integration is a testament to the persistence and tactical savvy that have earned Olayan respect as a business leader in the Middle East and beyond. A Davos regular, she’s a corporate board fixture and perennial member of Fortune’s international Most Powerful Women list. She has steered her 30-company conglomerate through a period of significant expansion; headcount has almost quadrupled since 2001. (Outside estimates put Olayan Group’s annual revenue at upwards of $7 billion; the company declined to discuss its finances.) And while Olayan takes no credit for it, her drive for diversity has put OFC at the leading edge of a historic shift that has brought hundreds of thousands of Saudi women into private-sector jobs over the past five years. OFC’s share of that total is modest, but the example Olayan sets as a rare female business leader in the region has had a profound influence.
Olayan, a matter-of-fact 60-year-old who shuns publicity, would be the last to label herself a pioneer. Her efforts are grounded in pragmatic beliefs: that meritocracies are better for business and that letting talented women find employment is better for the economy. “I’m all for diversity—but diversity for deserving people,” she says. Even as she helps guide Saudi women into roles they’ve never held before, from factory work to sales and management, she’s careful to respect Saudi Arabia’s deeply religious culture and traditions. Tom Linebarger, CEO of Cummins
CMI
, one of OFC’s longest-standing international partners, has worked with Olayan to hire Saudi women into engineering jobs. “She makes a constant push toward modernization and empowerment of women—from inside the system,” he says. “She is one of the most courageous people I’ve ever met.”
Saudi women “are very productive, very conscientious, and very much on time. I think it has been a very successful endeavor. We’re looking for more.”
—Asadullah Sherazee, General Manager, Coca Cola Bottling Co. of Saudi Arabia
When Olayan first sought to integrate OFC in 2001, there was no playbook for a company like hers to hire women—and plenty of obstacles to doing so, since labor law and social customs left a lot of room for interpretation and confusion. In deeply conservative Saudi Arabia, women are expected to be covered in an abaya (a long robe) and a head scarf in public, and they don’t traditionally mix with men they aren’t related to. Cultural norms like these had largely limited female employment to the few industries that were clearly open to women: health care, education, and banking, all industries in which they theoretically would interact only with one another.
OFC’s activities didn’t fall into such neat buckets. It’s a sprawling holding company, whose activities run the gamut from investing and real estate to the manufacture and distribution of foreign-brand cola, cookies, computers, and heavy equipment. (It includes wholly owned businesses and joint ventures: Nabisco, Xerox
XRX
, Colgate Palmolive
CL
, and Burger King
BKW
are among OFC’s Western partners.) None of its companies was equipped to provide the required degree of segregation: Women would need their own restrooms, canteens, prayer rooms, and workspaces, not to mention transport to and from the job, since Saudi women aren’t allowed to drive.
With so many factors to weigh, the hire Olayan truly needed was a woman who could hire more women. Ultimately she chose Hana AlSyead, a computer scientist and systems engineer who trained in Boston and rose through the ranks in the (relatively coed) Saudi subsidiary of Citibank
C
. AlSyead embraced the challenge, and within a year OFC had 21 female employees. Most of them were disadvantaged women whom OFC hired to sew surgical gowns at Enayah (its joint venture with Kimberly-Clark
KMB
and another Saudi firm). These seamstresses made history: They were Saudi Arabia’s first female factory workers.
Since then a transformation has swept through the kingdom: In shops, offices, kitchens, and manufacturing plants, women in Saudi Arabia have flooded into private-sector work, their numbers rising from 23,000 in 2004 to 48,000 in 2009 to over 400,000 in 2014, according to Saudi government statistics. The growth has been driven by mass education (women dominate the kingdom’s ranks of university graduates), economic necessity, and gentle nudges from the government.
Still, overall only 19% of Saudi women work, according to the World Economic Forum. Many of the jobs recently opened to women are ones that bafflingly didn’t belong to them to begin with—like tending the kingdom’s lingerie shops. Numerous professional roles, including a majority of those at OFC, remain largely unavailable to women (or “ladies,” as managers at OFC often call them) because the jobs demand driving, heavy lifting, or frequent public interactions with males. According to the WEF’s most recent Global Gender Gap report on economic opportunity for women, Saudi Arabia ranks 137th of 142 countries—despite all that recent progress.
To understand how Olayan rose to power in such an environment, it helps to know the story of her father and mentor, Suliman. Born in a small Saudi trading town, Suliman learned English, which proved indispensable when Western firms arrived to tap the region’s oil riches. He spent some successful years at oil giant Aramco before realizing he could do even better business by providing such firms with equipment and provisions. In 1947 he founded the company that became the Olayan Group, which gained a reputation as a favored “local partner”—a requirement at the time for all foreign companies.
Lubna grew up in cosmopolitan Beirut, the youngest of four siblings, three of them girls. Suliman was a stern but invested father who closely tracked his daughters’ academic performance and imparted lessons of financial management. Lubna spent nine years in the U.S., a period to which she credits her freethinking ways. She studied at Cornell University and then at Indiana University, where, alongside her sister Hutham, she earned an MBA. (Hutham is now CEO and president of Olayan Group’s U.S.-based investment arm.)
Lubna went on to work for J.P. Morgan
JPM
and met her husband, John Xefos, a lawyer, before moving to Riyadh in 1983 to continue her banking career. Suliman was living there by then as well, and he happened to need an executive assistant. The two worked closely together for almost two decades; in 1986 she was named CEO of OFC, which was then Olayan Group’s industrial holding company; her responsibilities expanded in 1999 when the company merged with the group’s Middle East consumer arm. (Suliman died in 2002.)
Olayan speaking during this year’s Egypt Economic Development Conference. Her arguments for encouraging women to work are based in pragmatism: letting talented women find employment is better for the economy. “I’m all for diversity—but diversity for deserving people.”Photograph by Amr Dalsh—Reuters
As an executive, Olayan has made her gender almost a second thought among her peers. “Even my most chauvinist of Saudi friends and clients have great admiration for the way that she manages her companies,” says Bernd van Linder, CEO of Saudi Hollandi Bank, the first Saudi-listed company to include a woman on its board. (That woman is Olayan.) “She is respected as a person rather than as the first Saudi woman to do this or that.”
Olayan dislikes being the center of attention. It’s telling that in OFC’s 150-page networking directory, in which a page with a photo and biography is devoted to each manager, Olayan’s entry falls in the middle of the book, per alphabetical order, on page 80.
It was also telling that when I traveled to Saudi Arabia in late July to interview her, Olayan was not there. (She had traveled abroad to attend the birth of her first grandchild, a hitch in planning that she apologized for repeatedly.) We ultimately connected via videoconference—a screen and thousands of miles between us. That we were having a meeting at all, she joked, was my good fortune for having contacted her while her longtime colleague Serene (“She says no to everything”) was on vacation.
When Olayan discusses gender issues in her own career, she focuses on the light and superficial. Hardship? There were the visits to the company’s factories, which had no women’s bathrooms. Not being allowed to drive or mix in public with men? That may have been a blessing, especially for a working mother with three daughters: “Everyone had to come to me. Time was my most important asset.”
Asked whether she felt respected as a female leader, she seems taken aback. “Respected? In Saudi society, women are extremely respected. I never had an issue with that at all.” She really didn’t think in gendered terms, she says; she was “more concerned about being the daughter of the founder and therefore needing to perform better than others so as not to give the impression of nepotism.”
Still, Olayan has a complicated relationship with her home country. In 2004 she became the first woman to give the keynote address at the Jeddah Economic Forum, a high-profile Saudi conference that drew luminaries like former President Bill Clinton and Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan that year. To a gender-segregated audience, Olayan delivered “A Saudi Vision for Growth”—a 15-minute speech calling for a prosperous, diversified economy that included “more jobs and career opportunities for women.” Yet her message was quickly overshadowed: Her head scarf had slipped slightly during her speech—a cultural affront, however inadvertent, that riled the country’s conservative elements and -dominated national headlines for days. Olayan looks back on the event with disgust and a sense of loss. “I was so proud of that speech,” she says, noting that it still holds up.
Today Olayan lives in that world—but also apart from it—in Al-Bustan Village, a gated compound on the outskirts of Riyadh that OFC built to be a premier oasis for Western expats. (Such compounds are common in the kingdom.) Here, women can swim outdoors, exercise in coed workout facilities, and walk around the sprawling campus without an abaya. Olayan, who is waiting for her home in Riyadh to be refurbished, temporarily resides in one of the community’s 608 villas and is often seen biking around its campus. As we drove up, my OFC host explained, “Beyond this gate, it’s like you’re in another country.”
Thirty-five minutes away in central Riyadh is OFC’s headquarters, a discreet multistory structure with minimal signage. Today it teems with more than 300 head-office employees whose diversity is staggering by any standard, a mix of men, women, Saudis, and foreign nationals representing 23 different countries. Men and women participate in meetings together; some women work in their abayas and head scarves, others in conservative Western dress. English is the working language, and employees of all ranks are addressed by their initials, a time-saving practice that dates back to the firm’s early days. Olayan is known as LSO.
By all accounts Olayan is a caring but demanding boss. She wakes early, travels often, and likes to sleep on decisions, which she makes by consulting as many people as possible—she talks with some of her managers several times a day. That she is encyclopedic in her knowledge of OFC’s manifold holdings and extremely detail-oriented is both dazzling and wearying to employees. (She even had a hand in choosing the pool furniture at Al-Bustan.)
Those qualities also show up in her considerable board and philanthropic work. Rafael Reif, the president of MIT, sits on the Schlumberger
SLB
board with Olayan and marvels at her mastery of individuals and personalities alongside the big geopolitical picture. That mental nimbleness is “an asset and a gift that few people have,” says Reif. “Lubna reminds me of nobody.”
Even my most chauvinist of Saudi friends and clients have great admiration for the way that she manages her companies. She is respected as a person rather than as the first Saudi woman to do this or that.”
—Bernd Van Linder, CEO, Saudi Hollandi Bank
Reif also remarks on Olayan’s ability to lead quietly—to direct and drive the conversation not by dominating it, but by chiming in with important ideas. That distinction seems particularly important to Olayan. When asked about her relationship with power, she says the term has a negative connotation for her—she prefers “influence,” which she describes as more important than power and as a sort of currency earned. “The more challenges you face in life, the more of life you experience—this lived experience gives one the ‘influence’ to impact others’ lives,” she says.
Plenty of challenges loom for OFC. Foreign companies can now operate independently in the kingdom without a Saudi partner. And a booming economy—between 2010 and 2014, Saudi Arabia’s non-oil sectors grew at an average annual rate of 7.2%—with a rich and relatively young population has made the country a magnet for Western firms facing slow growth at home. All this means the environment has grown far more competitive for OFC.
The company also faces workforce changes that go beyond gender diversity. For years, Saudi firms like OFC imported most of their talent; roughly 85% of the kingdom’s private workforce is foreign, while many Saudis remain unemployed. The government wants to reverse the situation through “Saudization,” which requires companies to meet quotas in local hiring. Though OFC exceeds its quota, managers at the firm consider it to be their greatest challenge: For many jobs, hiring Saudis—who often require training and who by law are paid considerably more than expats—is expensive.
By 2011, OFC had introduced female workers into its consumer-goods businesses, food service, packaging and distribution, even construction. Still, total female headcount hovered around just 1% of OFC’s workforce. Eager to make faster progress, Olayan launched the Olayan Women Network, an internal group designed to “keep an eye on all issues females were facing” and help nurture their careers. She eventually set a new target: Olayan wanted 1,000 women employees by 2016, in all 30 of OFC’s companies, at all levels of the organization.
This was not universally welcome news. Asadullah Sherazee, the general manager of OFC’s Coca-Cola Bottling Co.
COKE
of Saudi Arabia, recalls that when Olayan approached him about hiring female employees—“Coke says the workforce should be 40% women. You’re at zero,” she told him—he had all the typical concerns: the cost of women-only spaces, fears about legality, how they’d fit in.
But orders were orders. Sherazee, a Canadian of Pakistani origin, worked with his staff to set up the accommodations that have been installed across other OFC companies—the female prayer room, and the partitions in offices and on factory floors to give women privacy in line with labor regulations. Three years later his business has 30 female employees, including 18 who work on an all-female bottling line, many in burkas. He’s tickled with the results, which he tells me about over mid-morning Cokes with his female HR manager, Ghadah AlSous. He now sees a strong business case for hiring women: “They are very productive, very conscientious, and very much on time … We’re looking for more.”
Genuine delight and surprise about what Saudi female employees could do was a reaction I encountered more than once at OFC. “We’re living a social experiment,” says Khalid Alkhudair, CEO of Glowork, a female recruiting company in the kingdom that has helped place 26,000 Saudi women in jobs since 2011. AlSyead says that issues arise only occasionally: Once, for example, a male job applicant walked the other way when he encountered one of OFC’s female HR recruiters. She also says that Saudi managers are often more comfortable dealing with female talent than are expats, who tend to fear violating cultural norms.
There are now women at all but two of the conglomerate’s companies. Though AlSyead says reaching Olayan’s 1,000-woman goal in 2016 is statistically impossible, she touts the company’s milestones: It has hired the first-ever female worker in the Saudi city of Yanbu, for example. And she’s especially proud of having placed a Saudi woman in a sales role for a distributor of Scania—a company that makes long-haul trucks. She’s now focused on keeping OFC’s female talent—many firms try to poach, she says—and helping them develop their skills.
Olayan too remains very involved, regularly asking about her female employees’ concerns and challenges and inviting candid feedback. AlSyead tells a story about a time when Olayan got input of a less amenable kind, when a handful of ladies requested more vacation and reduced working hours. When Olayan asked them about their goals, they assured her they were ambitious: They wanted to be managers and executives. Olayan was bemused, but also a bit exasperated, and finally asked her colleagues, “Well, with all those vacation days, how do you expect to get there?”
Women at work for Olayan
Until 2001, Lubna Olayan was the only woman working for the OFC conglomerate. Today there are more than 400, at 28 of its 30 companies, including these:
Enayah (joint venture with Kimberly-Clark)
In 2002 this medical supplier hired 18 seamstresses to sew surgical gowns; they were Saudi Arabia’s first female factory workers. There are now about 100 at the company.
Saudi Xerox Agencies
In 2014, Saudi Xerox won OFC’s Diversity Index award; among its 40 female employees is a marketing executive.
Coca-Cola Bottling Co. of Saudi Arabia
Three years ago this affiliate had no female employees; now they work in IT, finance, accounting, and legal, among other departments.
Nabisco Arabia
The Middle East’s primary supplier of Ritz crackers and Oreos launched a woman-only production line in 2013; it also employs two female machine operators.
To see the full International Most Powerful Women lists, visit MPW: Europe, Middle East Africa and MPW: Asia-Pacific.
A version of this article appears in the September 15, 2015 issue of Fortune magazine with the headline “Integrating a country, one job at a time.”