The Dahlia Room
August 30, 2015 by admin
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When you live in a repressed environment, tied to the fact that we have both the highest porn subscription tally and one of the weakest sex-education programs in North America, it’s pretty easy to see why Utah has some of the strangest misconceptions about sex and sexual activity in the U.S. It isn’t like the information isn’t out there, but finding resources to speak on the subject are few and far between. One of the most surprising sources to both educate and help those looking for help in these areas has been The Dahlia Room, an adult boutique shop on Broadway that has spent the last year helping women (and occasionally men) find things that work best for them in whatever they may need, as well as providing resources to better understand themselves and their desires. Today we chat with our old friend and shop owner Jennifer Fei about opening the room and what they provide. (All pictures courtesy of The Dahlia Room.)
Jennifer Fei
Gavin: How have you been since we last chatted?
Jennifer: I’ve been great. Busy getting a new business off the ground and being a single mom. I love it all, so I can’t really complain. Had a great summer with my kids and saw some great concerts. I already have some fall camping planned, so excited to get the school year started.
Gavin: In our last interview, you were running Purse Dreams at 9th 9th. What eventually became of the shop?
Jennifer: Well, after two years, I realized Purse Dreams wasn’t growing fast enough and it was not going to be able to support me and my family. I decided to close it down to open up The Dahlia Room. I think one of the hardest decisions of any entrepreneur is when to call it quits. No one starts any business wanting it to fail, but eventually you need to look at reality and make a decision.
Gavin: How did the idea come about to start the Dahlia Room?
Jennifer: I actually had the idea when I had Purse Dreams, and wanted to utilize the extra space I had in that store. I realized that the concept wasn’t going to work in that area. I thought about the sex shops currently open in Salt Lake City, and wanted to create a different shopping experience. Having lived in New York City, New Jersey, D.C. and Seattle, I knew that there were amazing sex-positive shops out there, and Salt Lake City was needing that type of shop.
Gavin: What specifically separates your shop from others like Blue Boutique or Doctor John’s?
Jennifer: The biggest difference is that we don’t carry everything that is available in the adult novelty market. Your traditional sex shop is filled with many inexpensive novelty items that are not always body safe. I have curated The Dahlia Room so that every purchase is guaranteed to be high quality, well designed, body safe, and backed by solid companies that are proud of what they are producing. Also, we have extremely educated and friendly staff that are there to really help you find something that will make you happy and teach you what you need to know to use the product properly. We have an elegant open space that allows you to shop in leisure without feeling cramped.
Gavin: Why didn’t you stick around at 9th 9th, and how did you eventually come across the location on Broadway?
Jennifer: 9th 9th is a vibrant community, and I loved my time there, but I also knew that the family-friendly neighborhood wasn’t exactly the right fit for my new shop. I came across the Broadway location quite by accident. I had a brief conversation with my friend, Lindsay Vieta Vest, who was a great customer of Purse Dreams and also a commercial real estate agent. Literally three days after that conversation about my idea, she called me saying a client of hers was looking for a shop like my concept in his Broadway location. I believe that the universe pushes you in the direction that it wants you to go and we just have to listen. Within three months, I had closed Purse Dreams and started the build-out for The Dahlia Room.
Gavin: How did you go about choosing the specific products you would have featured in the shop?
Jennifer: I wanted to carry only the best products out there. I’ve done a lot of research with other shops, websites and sex bloggers who have been in this industry longer than I to help me select those products to carry at the shop. I am very selective and try not to carry brands that have aggressive packaging or unsavory materials. I want my customers to know that I have hand-picked these items out of the millions available, so they can feel comfortable knowing that they will be happy with their purchase and they won’t feel intimidated by a huge selection of items they are not familiar with.
Gavin: On the fashion side of things, what do you look for when finding new items to feature?
Jennifer: I think that right now you are seeing more edgy lingerie and that is reflected in some of the items we carry. Like our local favorites Anjel Skull, who makes amazing elastic harnesses and garters, and Moldie Goldie, who makes sexy mesh tanks and high waisted panties. I also have a selection of vintage lingerie for those who are looking for something more feminine and traditional. I am always wanting to support our amazing local artists and am hoping to expand our selection soon.
Gavin: It appears most of the focus is on women, although there are some men’s products available. Was that done on purpose, or is that simply the nature of this kind of business?
Jennifer: This was done on purpose. I specifically wanted to create a space that focused on women and their sexual needs. The sex toy industry originally grew out of the porn industry, which is made by and for men. Most of the products of the past were designed and made by men with little regard to what women wanted or needed. This has changed significantly over the past 10 years, and now you have many companies that are women-centered and it shows in the products they make. This is why we have a majority of products focused on women.
Gavin: You and I had previously talked about how women are sometimes unsure of what to do or look for, but you provide a service for them of what to look for. What specifically do you do to help them?
Jennifer: I try to ask a lot of questions. I realize that not everyone is familiar with sex toys and not as comfortable talking about sex as I am, so my job is to make them feel comfortable enough to give me the information I need to help them make a purchase they will be happy with. Many women don’t realize that a vibrator doesn’t have to be a large phallic looking item and can be a discrete little piece that hides easily among her makeup kit. So many couples are looking for something that will improve their intimacy and don’t know about the amazing couples toys that are out there specifically designed for them. I’m here to inform more than just sell. Once the customer is better informed, they can buy with confidence.
Gavin: How often do you come across people who have misconceptions about the shop or sex in general?
Jennifer: Many people come in the shop thinking it’s a traditional smut filled shop, and very quickly realize that there won’t be much to gawk or giggle about. I use Charles Eames’ famous quote, “Take your pleasure seriously” as our shop motto. We are here to present an adult space to learn, discuss and explore our sexuality. I find that many adults who have not had the opportunity to discuss sex in a healthy adult manner have difficulty navigating discussions about sex with their partners. Very simply, they don’t have the tools and vocabulary to have that discussion. We’re here to help you have the best sex possible, and that starts with conversation.
Gavin: Do you special order items for people or is it simply what you have available in the shop?
Jennifer: There are several items that I think are great, but I don’t regularly carry at the shop because they tend to be high priced larger items. I can always special order something that the customer is looking for. I realize that not everyone is looking for a Njoy stainless steel dildo which retails for over $300, but someone who is wanting one can order one easily from the shop.
Gavin: Have you had any blowback from the city or community so far, like other shops have had around Utah?
Jennifer: I think that Utah has a unique cultural stigma when it comes to sex, but I also know that everyone, regardless of background, is looking to improving their intimacy with their partner. I try to be considerate of everyone and create a space that is comfortable for all kinds of people. I’ve had a few people walk out of the shop fairly quickly after walking in, but that is about all the difficulty I’ve had. I think most people who work and live in the area are very excited to have a shop like The Dahlia Room in downtown.
Gavin: I understand you have had classes and sessions as the shop as well. Who have you had come to the shop and how can people get in on those events?
Jennifer: Education is one of the most important missions of The Dahlia Room. I don’t consider myself an expert, so I love bringing in experts to teach a variety of classes. We’ve had several classes taught by Julie Spanks, who is a professional dominatrix. This fall we have Finch and Jane from F J Education teaching a series of five classes that span in topics from basic sex education to beginner kink skills. We also have a Intro to Tantra class scheduled with a visiting instructor, Trish Wright. All of our classes can be found on our Facebook page under events as well as through Eventbright. If you follow us on Instagram or Twitter, I usually remind people when classes are happening.
Gavin: Are you looking to expand the shop in any way in the near future or are you keeping things how they are?
Jennifer: My biggest goal is to improve the inventory selection. I opened up The Dahlia Room on my own last year and worked with a limited budget. I am proud of what I’ve created and want to see the shop filled with even more amazing products year after year.
Gavin: If anyone has a question on any items available, what would they need to do to seek your help?
Jennifer: We are open Tuesdays through Saturdays from 11-6 and can usually be reached at the shop 801-953-0088.
Gavin: What can we expect from you and the shop over the rest of 2015?
Jennifer: We are celebrating our one year anniversary on the next Downtown Gallery Stroll on Sept. 18, and would love to see some new faces show up to celebrate the first year under our garter belt. We will remain busy with classes and you will also see The Dahlia Room represented at a variety of events and festivals in the new year.
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Cecil and Caitlyn heat up the Halloween costume wars early
August 30, 2015 by admin
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NEW YORK (AP) — Who gets to decide what grown people wear for Halloween?
Apparently everybody.
The Halloween wars focused on pop culture costumes have heated up early this year. Petitions and social media outrage are already flying over a blood-spattered dentist’s smock paired with a Cecil-like lion head, along with a replica of Caitlyn Jenner’s cream-colored corset set she wore for her joyful coming out on the cover of Vanity Fair.
But exactly how do the latest examples in the costume clashes for a holiday with a long, bawdy history differ from always off-base behavior like blackface, ala Julianne Hough, or Prince Harry’s turn as a non-Halloween Nazi?
Is the rule of “too soon” at play? Has the digital age spawned an overly politically correct genie with no immediate plans to be stuffed back in the bottle?
Richard Lachmann, a professor at the University at Albany who includes Halloween in his sociology of culture course, said costumes seem to be more provocative every year, with equally amped-up backlash. And there’s always a base of people who feel it’s an “irreligious pagan holiday to begin with and are ready to be upset,” he said.
Throw in a heavy dose of gore, loaded parody and ultra-sexy costumes, Lachmann added, and Halloween is now a free-for-all debate on decency and where the never-OK line belongs. But is there a line at all?
“It seems like there isn’t,” he said. “The point for adults is to be provocative, to do something that breaks the lines of what’s considered acceptable.”
The fashion and lifestyle site Refinery29 is one of many online voices decrying Jenner costumes and accessories, calling out one seller of a “Unisex Miss-ter Olympic Wig” that costs $14.99, in a recent update to a running attempt to take down the gear. Why?
Because as the writer, Liz Black, said in her post: “Every Halloween, there always seems to be a need for articles that explain why you shouldn’t dress up in a costume that mocks another marginalized culture.”
At least four online sellers are hawking Jenner stuff, including one of the largest retailers, Spirit Halloween, but opponents have seen little satisfaction as the companies declare it’s all in fun.
“At Spirit Halloween, we create a wide range of costumes that are often based on celebrities, public figures, heroes and superheroes,” said a statement from Lisa Barr, Spirit’s senior director of marketing and creative. “Caitlyn Jenner is all of the above and our exclusive Caitlyn-inspired costume reflects just that.”
Spirit’s version goes for $49.99. The wig? Sold separately at $16.99 a pop.
Anytimecostumes.com went with a cartoonish, beefy dude in a brown wig to show off its “Call me Caitlyn Unisex Adult Costume” with a sash declaring just that, lest you not realize who it’s supposed to be. It comes with a bustier and white shorty shorts for $74.99. Is it worth blackface-level anger?
Lachmann’s not convinced.
“With blackface there’s a link to the whole history of violence against African-Americans,” he said, echoing Black’s train of thought on what many in the trans community regularly face. “Certainly people can try to convince others that it’s not a good idea to wear a certain costume.”
That’s exactly what animal rights activist Doreen Harley in Indianapolis set out to do in a dustup with Johnathon Weeks, owner in Palm Springs, California, of Costumeish.com. He came up with the “Lion Killer Dentist” costume based on Walter Palmer, the Minnesota dentist who generated a world of wrath when he and his hunting party killed the beloved Cecil in Zimbabwe.
Weeks recently put the costume on sale for $59.99, upping the price to $99.99. Harley took to Facebook and Twitter to protest, and she started an online campaign to have Weeks pull the costume. She now has a promise from Weeks to donate his profits from the dentist’s smock, lion head and bloody surgical gloves to a wildlife organization.
“When I saw the costume, that disturbed me that someone was trying to make a profit off of this incredibly disturbing story,” Harley said.
Does she consider Caitlyn Jenner costumes equally insensitive and disturbing?
“I have friends and family that are gay, transgender, lesbian. It does offend me. It’s almost like mocking someone. It is offensive to that community. I’m more passionate, I guess, toward animal rights. I have to pick and choose my battles and I’m choosing the Cecil the lion battle right now.”
She wouldn’t say whether she believes the Cecil costume reaches that never-OK line, such as blackface: “I think adults get to decide what they want to wear for Halloween. “This is the one that stood out for me.”
The lion-hunting dentist is just one of about 14,000 costumes Weeks sells at Costumeish and a larger site, Brandsonsale.com. So far he has sold 50 bloody dentist costumes. Weeks plans a reverse take on Cecil with a lion suit that comes with a severed human head, and possibly another costume with extra-large trousers and little kids sticking out one side for people looking to dress as Jared Fogle, the fallen Subway pitchman who faces charges of paying for sex with minors and possessing child pornography.
“We bring to market what people want,” Weeks said. “We all need to chill out. We’ve got the PC police everywhere. We have pregnant nun costumes nobody talks about. We have Jesus costumes nobody talks about. We live in a society that’s so sensitive to these things.”
But even Weeks has a line.
“I still won’t make twin tower costumes. … I get requests for that all the time,” he said. “The tragedy that happened with the TV reporters who were killed, that would be way off-limits. Anybody who wanted to dress up as them would be disgusting.”
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Follow Leanne Italie on Twitter at http://twitter.com/litalie
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This story has been changed to eliminate the reference to online campaign signatures because they can’t be verified.