Why You Shouldn’t Feel Weird About Buying Lingerie For A Hook-Up Buddy

Whenever I tell my girlfriends I’m ready to put on lingerie for a new guy I’ve been hooking up with, they always give me judgmental looks. They say, “Isn’t it too soon? He isn’t even your boyfriend.”

Define “too soon,” though. After two hookups? Yes, maybe that is too soon. But if you’ve been hooking up for longer than that, what’s the harm?

Just because we aren’t dating, who says I don’t have the right to dress up and look sexy for my new hook-up buddy? I’ve only worn lingerie two times in my life.

The first time was with a guy I was hooking up with who eventually became my boyfriend. The other was just a summer fling.

I won’t lie; I was nervous at first. I was skeptical that these guys would think I wanted to tie them down because lingerie was some girlfriend sh*t. But, I said, “screw it” and went through with it.

Needless to say, both times I wore lingerie in front of them, their eyes dropped. I basically was a drug to them. They wanted more.

So, here’s the conclusion I came up with: There is no such thing as saving lingerie for that special someone. Even if he isn’t your boyfriend, who says you can’t dress up for a hook-up buddy? I say you can.

It’s all about being creative.

Let’s be real: Sex sells. It’s been selling for years, and it’s only progressing.

We’ve all had our vivid sexual fantasies. Whether it’s having a threesome with two strangers, getting blindfolded and handcuffed to the bed post or screwing our hot co-worker in the copy room, we have all fantasized about one of those scenarios. (Well, at least I have.)

Sometimes, you just have to get out of your comfort zone. Be bold, and be the dominant one.

Do something you wouldn’t typically do behind closed doors. For example, I like just dressing up in lingerie outfits or being completely naked under my peacoat right when I’m about to knock on my hook-up buddy’s door. So, whatever imagination you have, use it.

Put it to the test and go for it. Let your creativity wander. Like my favorite saying goes, “Only the boring get bored.”

Expect the unexpected.

This is my favorite rule because it’s challenging. Whether you’re trying to pursue your hook-up buddy so that your relationship can turn out to be more serious, or you have no emotional commitments at all, you’re probably afraid the relationship is going to get stale and you’ll both want to go after other people.

So, you want to keep the interest level at an all-time high. I solely believe in playing hard to get.

We all want what we can’t have. We all want a good challenge. So, if he’s already had a taste of you, you need to take him by surprise the next time around.

When he asks you over to his place for a lazy night in to watch movies, we both know that movie isn’t going to happen. So, are you really just going to go over there in your leggings and t-shirt to have sex and call it a night? Boring.

No, I want you to use that imagination. Try to be the dominant one. I want you to buy the sexiest outfit there is and knock him off his feet. It will make you feel amazing, and it will leave him with an unforgettable experience.

Don’t just be a regular hook-up buddy. Be the best f*cking hook-up buddy ever.

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Not Your Mama’s Tea Party: A Very Sweet Lingerie Soirée

This is the story of how Cora, the absolutely stunning lingerie maven behind The Lingerie Addict, found herself working on the project of a lifetime: shooting a tea party-themed lingerie campaign alongside her lovely peers with a handful of beautiful, ethical indie brands. But you must hear her tell it in her own words!

Note: Some photos may be NSFW

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Cora of The Lingerie Addict. Janus Short Gown by Evgenia Lingerie. Photo by Kristen Blush.

Truth be told, I’m not quite sure where to begin with this article. I feel like I should start by thanking Sweets, the lingerie blogger (and awesome human being) who came up with this whole idea, but a simple ‘thank you’ doesn’t quite convey the depth of my feeling here. Sweets reached out to ask if I’d be a part of a blogger collaboration with several indie lingerie brands; she’d noticed quite a few designers coming out with all black or all white looks for Spring/Summer 2016, and thought it would be fun for a few of us to meet up, style some looks, and hang out before the start of market week.

The photoshoot in this article is one of the most special experiences I’ve had since starting my blog – and I don’t say that lightly because I’ve done a lot of cool stuff as the face of TLA — but this… this was extraordinary.

From left to right, Cora in Evgenia Lingerie, Rose in Between the Sheets, Elisabeth in Harlow Fox, Sweets in Evgenia Lingerie. Photo by Kristen Blush.

Four bloggers participated: Sweets of Sweet Nothings NYC, a fuller-busted and fuller-figured blogger, Me (Cora) of The Lingerie Addict, a queer woman of color, Elisabeth of The Breast Life, a 59-year-old doing her first boudoir shoot, and Rose, also of The Lingerie Addict, a genderqueer, non-binary writer. The brands invited to take part were Between the Sheets, Evgenia Lingerie and Harlow Fox. Kristen Blush handled photography, while Lily Sage took care of hair and makeup.

After sharing our size and garment preferences, the designers coordinated one white look and one black look for each blogger. Though I’ve been a fan of Evgenia, Between the Sheets, and Harlow Fox for ages, I don’t think I’d quite appreciated the versatility inherent in each brand before now. Collectively, we covered a wide range of sizes, ages, heights, and body types… yet there was something for each of us. On a practical note, Leanna Williams of Harlow Fox put it brilliantly when she said, “Showing how styles can be mixed and matched with other independent designers is a great way to see how pieces can fit into your wardrobe and be worn in so many ways.”

Rose of The Lingerie Addict in Janus Bralette, Janus Ribbon Corset, and Janus Modern Knicker, all by Evgenia Lingerie. Photo by Kristen Blush. | Sweets of Sweet Nothings NYC in the Violet Jet Longline Bra by Harlow Fox and Matchplay Long Robe by Between the Sheets. Photo by Kristen Blush.

Yet our teatime shoot, while fun, was also a bit of a statement. The four of us – Sweets, Elisabeth, Rose, and myself – are not models. In fact, we’re all, in some way, quite far from what the lingerie industry considers ideal. I asked Sweets her thoughts on this while coordinating the event (since obviously, the four of us together in one room is no accident), and she had this say:

I’ve been so inspired by some of the fantastic conversations you, Holly, Jeanna, and others have been leading lately about the intersection of issues of diversity in the lingerie world and diversity and social justice in the larger world. I’ve felt like lingerie is inaccessible or intimidating in the past, but even though I’m larger than many (most?) brands’ target customers, surely it’s more likely I’m in the majority of consumers, not the minority. I want to see lingerie imagery that better reflects, celebrates, and illuminates the full range of people who wear it. I mean, hell, I turned 30 and immediately started to feel “too old” in the industry, but I plan to continue wearing awesome lingerie for the next 30 years too. So why shouldn’t there be imagery out there that reflects all of us at different stages of our lives?

Cora of The Lingerie Addict in Layla L’obatti for Between the Sheets Andromeda Gown (not yet released). Photo by Kristen Blush. | Sweets of Sweet Nothings NYC in the Violet Jet Longline Bra by Harlow Fox and Matchplay Long Robe by Between the Sheets. Photo by Kristen Blush.

As a fellow thirty-something lingerie blogger (who’s also frequently sized out of brands, to be perfectly honest), those thoughts resonated with me. Later, I asked Sweets about the designers she chose, and what made them, in particular, a good fit for this project, and she shared these insights:

They are all accomplished artists who work with precision and clarity on bold design choices in beautiful, feel-good fabrics. They pull inspiration from rich and varied sources to create designs that are timeless and uniquely their own. They also practice ethical manufacturing and have actively sought to showcase diversity and support social justice movements, whether in their lookbooks, their social media channels, or their press kits.

The willingness of everyone to leave their comfort zone and work together on a project like this cannot be overemphasized. We all contributed to the cost of the shoot. We all had to make an effort to be there and present during one of the busiest times of the year for the lingerie industry. We all had to take a risk in trying something new and different.

Cora of The Lingerie Addict in Layla L’obatti for Between the Sheets Andromeda Gown (not yet released). Photo by Kristen Blush.

What would make a brand take the tremendous step of putting their garments on such a wide range of sizes, bodies, and people, especially when such representation is not the norm? Well, as Leanna said, it’s about showing lingerie is for “everyone to enjoy.” Stephanie Bodnar of Evgenia Lingerie revealed her motivations in our post-shoot interview by stating, “I hope that this shoot helps to show that indie designers are capable of creating pieces that work for a variety of body types and personal styles.” And I love what Layla L’obatti of Between the Sheets said about how this collaboration intersected with her own identity as a woman of color who’s also a lingerie designer:

As a brand owner I’ve been really vocal and actively trying to select models that are not as visible within the industry, the fact that we had such a diverse range of women modeling in this shoot totally aligned with that. Growing up I did not see a lot of myself represented in fashion industry ads, the diversity that I did see (Benetton ads) excited me, and as I’ve developed my own line has become a cornerstone of what it means to be socially aware. Young girls who do not see themselves represented grow into women who do not understand their own value and beauty. Women who have passed a certain age are also rendered nearly invisible by an industry that chases youth and ableism – you rarely even see glasses in ad campaigns. I think this shoot is an opportunity for women to be inspired by other women, to see themselves represented, and for brands to be inspired to think outside of the box for marketing if they aren’t already.

Elisabeth of The Breast Life. Eleanor Almond Full Cup Bra, Eleanor Almond French Knicker, and Eleanor Almond Robe, all by Harlow Fox. Photo by Kristen Blush.

While Sweets and I are “old hands” in the sense we’ve both done several editorials for our respective blogs, this was the first professional lingerie shoot for both Elisabeth and Rose. Lest anyone think that’s easy, please remember: It’s no small feat to pose in your underwear on the internet, especially when you’re genderqueer (as Rose is) or over the age of 50 (as Elisabeth is). Rose wrote a beautiful long-form piece on this photoshoot and her queer identity which you should absolutely read, while Elisabeth had this to say about the experience in her interview:

To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t all that excited about doing the shoot. But as a more mature woman (turning 60 in a few months) who adores lovely lingerie, I felt it important to represent my generation. Older women are mostly invisible in today’s fashion world. That’s why I decided to participate. But I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t know and trust everyone involved.

Elisabeth of The Breast Life in Violet Jet Longline Bra, Violet Jet Draped Back Gown, and Violet Jet Robe, all by Harlow Fox. Photo by Kristen Blush. | Sweets of Sweet Nothings NYC. Janus Bed Jacket, Janus Ribbon Corset, and Janus Modern Knicker, all by Evgenia Lingerie. Photo by Kristen Blush.

Leanna of Harlow Fox, who dressed Elisabeth exclusively, followed up with similar sentiments:

I was so excited to shoot with Elisabeth, as she’s very much the woman we want to show wearing our collection. As your recent article (by C.Bigelow, on age in the lingerie industry) showed, there’s such a lack of age diversity in mainstream lingerie advertising, and to have the chance to illustrate how beautiful she looked to other women, who may think more luxurious lingerie isn’t for them, or who are so used to seeing only younger women portrayed in this way, was a great honour.

From left to right, Elisabeth in Harlow Fox, Cora in Layla L’obatti for Between the Sheets, Sweets in Harlow Fox and Between the Sheets, Rose in Evgenia Lingerie.

While I agree with Elisabeth who said, “I’m not sure if one shoot can do anything to change commercial ideals of beauty, especially in the mainstream lingerie world,” I think shoots like this are a start. In my final interview question, I asked Sweets what she hoped the takeaway for this shoot would be, if there was a message she hoped to send to other brands and bloggers and industry professionals. She said:

I hope it encourages more and more people to make their own imagery! The more cool, smart, interesting people I meet and whose work I read, the odder it seems that brands and advertisers seem to design for such an absurdly narrow demographic. I’d love to see the definition of what’s “commercially appealing” expand exponentially.

So say we all.

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Reposted and edited for length with permission from The Lingerie Addict. Note: Some photos below may be NSFW.

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